HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM SUNNY CALIFORNIA!

HEY SISTA,

missing u this holiday season, but loving the beach and sun...had to show u a pick of my new furry friend, made me think of you and Hozzie...luvya, lets get back on in 2009!!!!

God I miss my home...I am sitting here in my new apartment which is better than the rapunzel tower, drinking a beer and feeling lonely and missing T. I miss this view when I would open up my back door...it was like my own private fairy tale land back there.

i am here eating my way through the night as always

Hi lovely lady.
i was hoping to hear from you but you must be busy with your life there. i am also feeling annoyed with mom. why is she so dense??? i hope you here from your home soon and tim's possible job... let me know.
i am working tonight , filling my loneliness with high fructose corn syrup and shit. but, i have my lovely blue english porcelin mug here, and looking at homes in viroqua, wisconsin.
must be going. call or write. sorry about angel island. love biggy.

back from the past

Hey sis,

Just back from Willmar...I really need to make peace with that place. It was tough seeing Mom. John seemed to get it a bit, but Mom was still playing the victim role. I guess the bottom line is that some progress was made. We should find out this week if T got the job here or not...I am on pibs and needles waiting to hear. In the meantime I am trying to keep my chin up, which is not easy with two of them. One day I will find my way back...I am still here, I am still breathing in and out, and I am not done yet. My beautiful angel island is on fire today...it was where we were to be married in April, it saddens my heart. I miss you.
luvmops

where is my bay?

i still miss it so much...how do I find my way? can anyone help me?

what a sad message

Hi my dearest friend and sister,
my heart is crying for you as i read your message. i am working at 5 am and took a peek to see if you had words to say. it is not fair to lose so much of yourself to that place. they don't deserve the best of you. it is yours and only yours. tim is the love of your life. downsize it all to save what you have fought so hard for. live cheap and have tim do the same. the place can be made your own.
You are too remarkable a person to be eaten up by minnesota and what it represents. what can i do for you to help you in this desperate state??? i love you so. twiggy.

What have I done?

OH my dear sis, I am so miserable...I hate it here so much. I do not want why I deluded myself into thinking I could handle this for 18 months. It does not look like T is going to find anything here...it is like the joke is on me...you crawl out of a hole of debt and then make a massive mistake that either keeps you utterly depressed or sets you back severely financially...I am officially hating myself every day by eating till it hurts, or the hurt ends, or the hurt begins, I don't know anymore...i only know a small part of me dies each day that I stay in this ivory tower.

i am trying to lose

Hi cutie. i am not sure when you will read this again; i have decided to lose 5 pounds a month for awhile. it is not easy for me with work and long nights. but i am using a good idea from you. i take nummy baked cheese puffs with and trying to keep it similar each day. i plan to make food on my days off only. and started working out again. i am keeping hozzie with me instead of sending him to pete; so i am sleeping a little less and taking him on a short hike when i awaken. i have to say i don't expect it to be easy. but each day is a new one.
take care of you . i am thinking of you alot as you are heading east. you can still take care of yourself. love twiggy

nice to see a post from you

hi. i love to wake up and see a message from you. this color is green for spinach. and healthy green days ahead. so our lives keep changing. but we will maintain a better space to meditate, eat, and settle. the ethiopian was lovely; especially all sharing in the dish with our hands. reminds me of happy dinners with aziz and many friends sitting on the carpet doing the same. at a tender age of 19. i hope to see you today. i love you and am always here for you., twiggy. .....if only i was a twiggy.

having you here

Hey dear twigs,

We just left you, Kell and Sassan at Cafe Coluccie near Telegraph and Alcatraz...it was so good to see you in the flesh and to eat with our hands off the same plate. Thank you for coming to my rescue today at the office I needed your company so much...I am still committing to writing in this and to caring about ourselves and our choices, it is on my back burner, but i want to bring it to the front...maybe we can talk more about that this weekend. So good to have you here in the bay.
lovmops

hi dear mops

Hi dear. i hope your day is going well. my night is so much better tonight than last night. i didn't call as i thought you might like some down time after your outing with diane. it has to be sad for her having you move away. but please call today and i will answer....
kell was funny last evening; on my way to work, she asked what i wanted to do while i was there, and if i had been working out so i could do a 3 mile somewhat challenging hike. as long as i can rest i told her. as i have mostly only been dancing. no fun hikes . but it should be cool.....
i think the following weekend we will go to our place you and i went to . something low key is nice. time to talk and wander around.
i have significantly decreased my wine consumption as i would cry too much, feel lonely, listen to sad music over and over. and become tired and poorly focused. i feel much more me without too much of that. so, i probably should get back to work. i don't know if you check the blog or not these days, but i felt like writing to you. i can't wait to see you. love twiggy...

good morning

hi. this is twiggy the great night nurse saying get up and go to the bathroom. i am off now for a few days so maybe we can connect .... i am lost in a sea of large milk chocolate chips; time passes quickly with good coffee and a bag of large milk chocolate chips. i did however have a nice huge butter lettuce salad from my very own garden. i loved the butter lettuce we had in oakland and the nice restaurant with calzones, and an open doorway. lets go there when i come . i miss the rasberry vinagrette. we could also walk around the lake in town. love twiggy.

check in category 2008 . my message is there.

thank you for the message

Hi dearest mops, thank you so much for touching base with me. it is not an easy choice; big changes in our lives. i am unsure where it will take you. but you will be good. i want to move back also to minnesota. i am more lonely than i have ever been in my life. i miss everyone so much. my days feel heavy with pain.
i adored the card you sent. a funny little light in life . we have had that with us always. you are too cute. and the photo here shows so much love and is too sweet ... i want an 8x10 of it. would be nice in my cute little home.
My dieting or eating well has been ridiculous to say the least. my job is chaos; with constant antagonism between staff. i think mutiny is on the horizon. and the pay is too little to get so deep in the muckity muck.... i did begin a fruit flush 3 day plan, i must have read it wrong as it lasted 3 hours. i can see your frustration as you try hold on to your 40. i know the words are hard to come by , but stay near the 40 mark and keep going to weight watchers. we need to do this together. you look really cute in the photo you sent. know i am with you and love you dearly. yours truly. twiggy

heading into July and feeling scared

Hi dear twigs,

Sorry it has been so long since I wrote...it sounds like we have both been struggling these past few weeks...yes, I am still going to WW, but came home from my meeting yesterday crying. I got my 40 lbs 6 weeks ago and yesterday was at 37 down....I am desperately trying to hold onto the 40 and move forward but the decision to move is really messing with me a lot...I am not sure it was the correct one and so I am struggling...it is done and I will go through with it, but I am so scared and sad. I do not want to let go of my progress in losing weight and continue to seek out ways to stay active even if I am still eating too much. yesterday Kelly, Sassan , T and I rode over the GGB...and I was faster than before...I am attaching a pic to remind us both to keep on pushing through as we can do this and we are worth it. I love you.

mops

hello

Hi mops.
what are you up to these days; are you still going to weight watchers, or taking a break with all the big changes in your life??? i printed a picture of myself in missouri and it was enough to change my eating and workout habits. and here i thought i looked rather sexy in my orange flowered shirt. so, i carry around the photo to inspire me. i think it will work this time. call when you can or send me a little noter. i love you. take care of you. twiggy

hi sis

shell,
How are you today?? i really want to talk with you. if you can email, would be lovely. i am trying to get a charger for my phone as my charger was left at chicago and my phone died. i met a lovely man from kenya--a runner for nike, we just had coffee. he wants us to date. so funny. i don't know if i am ready for this. but, he is so kind. anyway, i will try get a charger. because we should talk. i miss talking with you about life choices. love twiggy.

hi cutie

Hi. i am out to coffee alone/ slept 12 hours. was exhausted. my knee is back to within normal limits; shock to me. call me if you have a minute or break. we are going to see baby gundy tonight. love you. twigs. oh, i am beginning a plan. to eat sugar only if huge craving, as it is slowly killing me. so far, past 1 hour is good.

i am back

Hi .... sarah and i are back from our over the road trip. it was good and i am happy to be back to the midwest. i have found the outfit i picked to wear to the schools became like incredible hulk. it was green too, and i was literally busting out of it. minnesota is hard on my eating. plus i messed up my knee bad rushing for food the first night in minnesota. i could not straighten it without screaming in pain thur, fri, sat.... i took sarah;s advice and iced it sat night, took advil; continued with this. thinking i would be out of work and need an acl or pcl ligament repair. today it is good. i didn't even wear the brace i bought for it.
well, i hope soon i can quit looking pregnant, as my stomach is huge. but until then, who knows????? i am a sugar addict. there, i said it. hope you are doing better. call sometime soon. i accidentally forgot my phone charger in chicago at the hotel; so i need a new one ... hope they are not too much. i hate doing dumb costly things..
let me know how you are doing; and anything else about life. love you.... twiggy.

eating large in the flatlands

Hi Dear twigs,
Once again I am eating all in sight during and after my trip to the flatlands...maybe that is the answer for me right there...I can't seem to calm down or turn around my eating. I am not sleeping well. We went last night to look at a possible wedding location at Tilden Park, which is where I love to hike ( it is a park next to Redwood and very near Sassan's house)...so Kell and Sassan met us, we all like it, it was a very pretty old stone structure in the hills...then we went out for Thai, but still I could not stop thinking about the near future and what choice to make...I wish there was a way to know what is best w/out agonizing so much. How are you? miss you, and not hanging onto my 40 very well...my jeans are tight today and I am sad.
luvmops

my ipod is lovely

Hi cutie.
i am at work listening to my ipod . it is relaxing me so. make me an angel fly from montgomery,. i love this song. i eat better when i am relaxed . thank you so much. i work again tue. night. but try call . i love you mops. twiggy. eat, drink, and be merry.

good job on the gym

Hi lady. congrats on making the choice to go and work out. it is synergistic. 1 + 1 =3 sometimes; as the positives reinforce each other as does the opposite. your bike trip looked arduous but fun; you 2 are so cute; were you on a boat coming back from tiberon??? i am happy you are not caving to fatigue though it is so easy after long days.
I have been thinking of the way meditteranean women eat; not that i know that much; but read a book from a woman chef that owns a restaurant in maine--primo. and it revolves around her italian family and wisdom of food, family, and friends. i basically can only take away a little at a time. but my focus for now is to notice the flavor of my food; to eat more veggies and fruit which i have done the past couple days. now i must expand my food horizon. i guess if i can incorporate one step at a time, eventually i will reach the taj mahal. i don't even know if there are steps to it??? anyway, i love you dearly. yours truly and tastfully, twiggy.

they are getting through, but slowly, like us

My dearest twigs...so the messages come through, but take time, sort of like the food wisdom we know and try to impart on one another...we are sending it, exposed to it, know it...but is it getting through to us? I think so, it just is sometimes delayed as we cannot see the message through the weeds...so my thought is this, let's be patient and kind to ourselves as we try and live this new healthy lifestyle wisdom...some days we will grasp the messages at lightening speed and incorporate them into our daily living and other days we will walk around heads bobbing from side to side saying where is it? What is the message? What do I do now?

Ok, enough philosophy...but I will say last night the message in my head was loud and clear to go to the gym after work as I had met my lovely man for pizza at lunch and ate too much...then the weeds crept in, oh, but you are tired, and you need to do other chores, and it is too warm out, and and and...but I pushed through the weeds and went, and although the act itself was maybe not so important I feel better today for having went last night...and have set myself up to do better this morn. So I guess there are no absolutes, just small decisions every day that either help or hinder our health, whether we are happy, lonely, tired, excited, or sad. So, here's to hoping you have a healthy day. I love you. and thanks for all the great posts, I read them all!
luvmops

the blog is out of commission

Hi lovely lady.
i am tired of my blogs not being sent through. i will try again. i am in the library at the hospital before i have a meeting with an MD from washington who will hopefully certify our rehab with CARF. or we won't be open . i and one other day charge will spend time talking with him. i hope it goes well. i love you. i am home tonight. call me.

testing 1 2 3

i can't get these darn messages through. love twiggy.

are you getting my messages???

Hi mops,
how is your weekend going???? i just had 4 pieces of low calorie pepperoni pizza. oops. 2 would have been sufficient, but the one lonely one left didn't want to sit in the box without friends. so i helped him out. anyway, i hope all is well with you and your meeting is better than you think.
i am working and having a nice night but my ear is all crackly, so my manager thinks i am getting a sinus infection and gave me medication. maybe that is why i slept way too much this week. my body was getting ill.
oh, by the way, i sent better blogs but they are only accessed under the heading 2008. i am trying to be better with eating so wish me luck. forget the pizza. love twiggy .... someday i will be twiggy.

click on posts for 2008

hi dear. all my posts are not being published but going under the heading of 2008. check it. love twiggy. sorry i am on a time limit. will write tonigh. call anytime. love you

my posts are going through??

hi. i sent one good long post and it is not on; i sent another to check and it didn't take either??? call later. hoz is in the care with my ffoood. i should have put it in the trunk. hang in there honey. i am in the weeds with you, but we are surrounded by beautiful orange poppies. i love you. twiggs.

isent you a great post

hi, i sent a long post and now it is not on here. i hope it appears. i would rewrite but hoz is in the car with the grocerys. damn. i don't get it. i love you. twiggy

oh, yes the weeds are a problem

Hi dear friend.
i like your image of the weeds. literally i have been pulling alot of them today; and cursing the whole time as they have run rampart in my garden. and also in my garden of eating. not eden. i am sitting next to you, moreso exhausted with my weeds. thought amongst them are beautiful orange flowers. my favorite color lately. i try wear orange most days. the eating of food and consumption of wine has thrown me into my own little frenzy. i have again on my mind a plan to do a 3 day hunger fruit flush plan. but the thought of protein drinks scares the hell out of me.
so, instead, i jumped around in my living room to turbo jam. instead of imposing another restrictive plan on myself, i am working out quite a bit; trying to decrease wine, as i eat too much then. and yesterday i ate 1/2 box of organic oreos, lots of chip, indian buffet and many glasses of wine . to top it off nearly a bottle of wine. i don't want to get to diane's consumption though. i ? do i eat because i am sad; or am i sad because i eat. i think it is the latter as today i am eating small and feeling more me. i like that me. i am a bit concerned hozzy is eating my nummy cinnamon grahams i bought instead of the cookies i picked up and thought , oh, these are new. fudge mint ones, not oreos. i can control them. but then i thought a moment longer, um. no i can't. so i picked very nice grahams.

call later if you can. i must run as hozz is in the car with my grocerys. i love you. call anytime. i am with you on this crazy rollercoaster ride. love twiggy.
oh, rather than the scale, i am working on getting to my size 12 calvins i love to wear. the 14s are a little big. is easier for me than the nos. on the scale.

slipping

Hey dear twigs,
How is all for you? I am really slipping this week...over by 40 pts already (even after using all my extra 35 pts) and still have 2 days to go...just feeling anxious I guess...i never do well when i think big changes are in the winds...the fact is, maybe there will not be big changes and i need to just keep focused...but have really been wavering this week. I am tired of trying a bit, sometimes I just want to eat everything, and feel like throwing a tantrum...and then instead of the tantrum I pick one or 2 things and just really over indulge on them...this week it had been chips, cheetoh's, crackers...anything salty and crunchy; and wine...
trying to change my eating habits is like having a garden w/ a million weeds, as soon as I pull a bunch, a new variety of weed crops up and i frantically start pulling again...then occasionally i say screw it and sit down amongst the weeds and cry and eat. are you still walking through this garden with me? i miss you
luvmops

ralph waldo emerson

Hi dear mops.
how is your workday going for you?? and your off times? i stopped by to check messages and drop a few. i so wish i had a laptop. maybe a refurbished one woul not cost a fortune. i was hoping maybe aaron or sassan could locate one for me. do you have an extra???
well, my trip to minnesota is going forward. again, i am sorry for the change in plans. i am going there from june 18th to the 25th. . sarah and i need to leave thursday early as our 1st appt is outside chicago 9am friday. will you perchance be in the cities on wednesday the 18th??

oh, i tried reach you last night. i would love sassan's no. haven't heard from dear kelly in a long while, and miss her. i am unsure his no. and want to put it in my phone. i need to find her a phone on ebay.

here is a quote from ralph waldo emerson is good.

Finish each day and be done with it
You have done what you could
Some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
Forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it serenely and with too
high a spirit to be encumbered with
your old nonsence.


love you, twiggy

Oregon?

Hey cute twigs,
Hope work went ok for you despite the sleeping letter etc...it is great that you are hiking and doing Yoga so much! I am going to Redwood as often as possible - Kell, Sasson, T and I went there last night after worked and it seems to help me at the mtg today as I was down 2.0! I know I have talked about being at 40 lbs for the past 3 weeks...but I finally officially got my 35 lb star at WW (plus my 5 b4 I started WW) makes me fell like I am actually there...now to get to the 50 milestone! I have been eating more lately, feeling a little frustrated about where/if to get a home, Mpls VS here, wedding, when/where; baby or no...just feeling really anxious.

I booked the trip to India and China for work and will be gone 8/9-8/26. I am nervous and excited...in the meantime everything feels so up in the air with my life. I wish we lived closer,and would love if you met someone nice...you could get a home here if you lived near Livermore or somewhere in the hills outside Sacramento and worked near there as I know they pay well and housing in that area is much less. Hope your week goes well. miss you
luvmops

afton

Hi again.
so you are thinking of afton???? what does tim have to say about that? have you checked to see what the rest of the family thinks??? just kidding. if you would like , it might be a nice place since you met there. well, don't worry about your dress. are you leaning on next spring or fall?

let me know what goes on with target. i really can see you spending life in california

hi dear sister

How are you??? just a minute. well, it is quite a busy night here. 1st night back and hectic. and then i want to either scream or cry as our manager sends out a public email to our unit about night nurses sleeping on the job. oh, why do i be a nurse???? so, i want to leave and go far away. somewhere where i can afford to buy a home. and find a nice job. where can i work and make enough money to buy a home and live???? so many ? for a near 50 yr old. i wish i had a great s.o. in my life that made decent money; that i adored and he me. to snuggle with at night, and enjoy sharing my thoughts with.

i was running late and left my food at home; so now i am here all night without good food; only a few dates. i have lost the 4.5 pounds i gained so i am back in the 170's. hopefully i will keep going down ... i hike 45 minutes daily and try do yoga most days. have you been working out much these days???

i still have yet to hear from sarah about june; she better hurry and let me know or i won't be going there either. well, i should get going . my shift will be fine. i just am feeling restless , want a home and a husband. love twiggy

wuv you too

Hey cutes, hope work is going well tonight. Please take good care of yourself. I had a phone meeting today with our friends in Mpls. I am interested to a degree, but love it so much here...I am waiting to here back from them on their degree of interest and we will see from there. Amy was in town tonight and we met her for dinner...she offered up Afton free of charge to us for our wedding...haha, i know it is where we met, but not sure it is where i want to say "i do"....keep me posted on your travel plans and we will work it out.
My eating is going so-so this week...sometimes I wish I could get moving a little quicker just so I could have a nice wedding dress...I know in the grand scheme of things that is minor, but it is still a wish...have a good night Twigs the Night Nurse
luvmops

i love you sister

Thank you for the message. i would love it to have been left the way it was. i hope today is good for you. i am picking up the 11pm to 7am shift tonight. so i will be home sleeping for a little bit. have to go to the treasury to renew my plates now. love you. twiggy

My Dear sis,

I will not forget you, don't be sad...I will get over it. And maybe you can save the last weekend you are here for me or for just Kell, you and me...I will not get back in till midnight Fri eve 7/28, and it is doubtful I can take off Mon or Tues of the following week...but we can at least have Sat. and Sun...so maybe we just stay close to home here that weekend as I am usually very tired after NY trips. No cry cutie, I love you. PS (there ARE places in Cali that are not so busy, you should look sometime)
luv mops

i am so sorry

shell, i am so sorry. i keep crying. i want so to see everybody and not mess up. i know it sucks the way things are working out. sometimes i just feel everyone, including myself, think sarah is always no. 1. i would try accomodate for anyone trying to follow thier life dream. but, it is so unfair to you, me and kell. i wish i liked california more. i need my best friends around. i just feel so nervous with alot of people around me.
please forgive me and don't forget me. love twiggy.

Hi my dear twigs,

Back to the grind...the bike did arrive safely with only a sore neck for myself...yesterday we rode bikes to the movies ( a new theater opened in Alameda) otherwise kept it pretty low key...how did all of your planting go? It sounds so yummy. I once again ate too much over the weekend and if I scale back during the week I shall be lucky to keep the scale the same come next Sat. I hoped to eat better as I stuffed myself a couple of times. I am with you, just trying to not stuff myself, not be perfect, but not soooooo full either. I am sorry you are feeling lonely, I wish you were closer to me so we could hop in our cars and visit one another. The trip to China and India is on....looks like I will be gone 8/11-24, back just in time for James if you still can make it. Let me know how things work out for you and Sarah.
luvmops

hi beautiful sister

Hi dear sis.
welcome back to work. i hope your weekend was nice. and your bike arrived safely. i was so lonely this weekend. i am becoming more lonely as the weeks pass. i am still waiting on sarah about june. she says she feels so bad and is so sorry as it may mess up 2 times of seeing you. the schools are not open for visits on weekends. will know more as soon as she finds out from the schools. over the long weekend was closed.
i have been doing fair with eating. and a little too much wine last night. it does not take away the lonely blues i find.
blog if you have time today and let me know how all is. i love you. twiggy.

i am doing better tonight

Hi mops.
i am eating better here tonight at work. having my favorite fried rice from the good food store. it is not perfect but better than an entire bag of good baked cheese curls that i ate last night. and i am adding protein in with my soy milk. i forget eating healthier tastes mmmm. you know, i don't anticipate i will lose more than a pound a week. but that is fine. by next summer or before i am 50 i should be smallere.
for now, until i can find a non binge zone, i am simply focusing not eating completely with abandonment. it is the best i can do . well , you may be on your way to marks. i hope the weekend is nice for you. and tim is happy and safe on his sailboat. call anytime you can; i will be planting lettuce, eggplant, basil, tomato, onions, peas, beans, and spinach. oh, and hopefully potato sets on top of decomposed leaves covered with mulch; i think i will use the old sod i dug up from the ground to cover the potato sets ; add a little compost and hope for the best. because i am tired of digging up sod. it is too much work.
well, my dear, i have chart checks and medication records to do, so i will bid you farewell. have a great day , stay off the scale, and eat less than what you did yesterday. . i am happy for your success. dieting sisters unite. love twiggy.

hey favorite weight watcher

Hi skinny girl; how are you feeling today?? laryngitis too. one thing leads to another. you say your cough and congestion is better? that is good. how is eating going for you now; and do you have energy to work out???
I have been doing fair. so exhausted since working the weekend. i had a bad sorethroat for 2 nights. hurt so to swallow. then had a fitful night of sleep my first night off. then was horribly tired the last couple days. today i feel pretty good after sleeping 12 hours. if i didn't know better, i would ? mono.

I am today decided to eat healthier fare. i found an orange juice i adore. vit c and all. from happy planet. i never seem to get enough fruit. hozzy got into the fridge when i was out monday and ate all my meat, cheese, spinach pie that were yet to be opened. i was proud to have spent only 50. for weekly grocery as i don't get pd until friday. but he ate most all. left me black olives, yogurt and broccoli. how kind. i am bringing small quauntities of snacks to work as i like to snack at work; but mostly healthier fare. i shall not order out as i agree with you. why eat food from a restaurant at work. i would rather have good pizza at home. work is work. i will keep thinking this.

Call if you have an opportunity today. or blog as well. i work now for 3 days. i hope you get this . i got a popup that says saving and publishing may fail. say, i am trying to work on all my travel this summer. kell is not going to be in ca late august; will you be ther e 18th -25th of june??? and i do plan to come end aug for you and james blunt. ok. must check my checking acct ... i love you mops. happy eating and living trails. yours truly. twiggy

mid week check in

Hey twigs, how are you doing? Have you found a meeting you like yet? Or going it on your own? Staying off the scale at work? I have been thinking of you often and miss talking to you via phone but have had no voice. I am doing ok, like I said before, feel I am almost 1/2 way and am ok with a little break as long as I maintain where I am at currently and not go up...which can be tricky. T is racing this weekend all the way from SF to Monterey so I am going to spend the time at Mark's alone. He is working on his thesis, so i am going to take lots of walks on the beach and read. Do you work all weekend? How is your garden coming along? Thinking of you often.
mops

trekking on down the road

Hey dear twigs, had a wonderful weekend despite still being ill and now adding laryngitis to the fun ; ) The antibiotics seems to be helping the sinus infection and bronchitis is better, but now can't talk...probably everyone around me is happy, but i miss talking...we went swimming in the bay on Saturday as it was so warm and i was excited to be back in the 100's. We also went to a freedom celebration in Berkley for Haiti on Sat. night and listened to some great music and watched some amazing dancers...yesterday T and I went to the farmers market and grilled at Sasson's last night...it was a fun weekend! How is all with you? What did you mean by the monster letters? I did not get that? How did work go? Are you off for a few days now? Miss you cutes...are we still going to James Blunt?
luvmops

active night at work

Hi dear mops. how are you feeling? i am not sure what is up with the monster letters. did you take claritin??? if i were you i would let your body reset after 40 pounds. it seems you can lose again if you give your body time to reset. and then carry on. plus i think it is could for the mind to take a break too.
as for me, i do well at home; not so well at work. i know i can not blame steph for my screw ups at work, but i still do. it is so much easier than blaming myself. she always brings good chips, and then there are cookies here. if i take none i am fine; once i start, i don't stop too well. i have kept off my 15, but lost no more. it will happen though. i am confident. i hike everyday about 45 minutes, not real hard terrain. i have found i enjoy dried fruit--pineapple, dates, raisins. for something sweet. instead of sugar. plus it really satisfies my sweet tooth.
so, i guess i must push myself a bit harder. ok. must carry on work. i love you. will be back tomorrow , so i will check the blog again if you can write. if not, is fine. twiggy.

sorry i have been away

hey sweets, sorry i have not written for so long...feeling so tired and sorry for self again, not sure if it is a cold or allergies...do not think I have had allergies before, but whatever is going on is kicking my butt as i cannot breathe or sleep for the last 5 days, so i am exhausted all the time and not working out. the eating is going so-so, i am not eating as much as i used to, but think i may hover here for a few weeks before cutting back on portions even more, my body is telling me it needs a break, which doesn't mean pig put, but be gentle to it...ie eat healthy, relax more and try to give it is a rest...i like your words below. how are you doing lately with eating? i hope you are well, i think of you and Hozzie often
luvmops

where are you??

Hi. did you forget about me or is something going on. oops. my ralph is calling again. non stop. i am working. love twiggy.

hi dear mops

Hi. what are you doing??? i just arrived early to work to check our blog. vanilla wafers are holding me hostage. i thought i was so smart yesterday having a big stir fry veggie dinner when hungry in evening. thinking every day one meal will focus on veggies. are vanilla wafers a vegetable?
How are you doing and did you work out today? drop me a line to let me know about your day and som (state of mind). i hope things are well and you are eating, breathing and moving. all that you can do to carry on. my, you have lost near 40 pounds. that is a bunch. a bag of softening salt like mom says. take care and write when you have time. any thoughts or concerns; i will be up all night so will check the blog later. i love you best friend. twiggy.

Damn ... i lost all the great things i was writing. stupid computer. let me try again. i hate when i am wise and lose the words to a machine. food. i was talking of how the taste of indian is so delicious and worth the consuming. for me, it is italian i was craving and the 6in. lasagna i had at lunch was more worth remembering not to have again soon. and how we sometimes do things to maybe prove to our little friend who resides in our head that maybe we can't do this, reach a goal; or stay under 200; or go further. or wear the next smaller size jeans sitting alone on the dresser catching dust as the scale goes up, then down.....
i just remember when i was making my big change in life and moving out, julie --a friend of mine from wisconsin said move. if nothing changes , nothing changes. right now as we move along this journey together, i feel and believe if something changes, something changes. do what you need to for the next few days; next few hours to see the change you want to be. it is within us both.
i have come to realize i cannot have all i want. after my nap, i was going to have a beer. i figured i will get lazy then, and sit around, probably eat more. as i have increased 4 pounds this week in a mere 5 days. a beer seemed a fool idea because of where it would take me. i think of you, of us. and i want more than a beer can give to me. so here i am writing to you .. i love and believe in you. in me. i guess i will go home and clean on this rainy day. i can always pick up a book instead of food... i really am now trying to focus on a specific goal. getting to the 60's . the 60's were a time of change in our history, so maybe it will be a time of change for me. for you, the 80's were a time of good music, right???? what are you doing in your mind and action after the scale, and some nummy indian. you are lucky you have nummy indian. although we have a kick butt place here you and i went to. i wish i had gone there today instead. i can only go out 2 times a month. as is too much moolah.
sorry so long. you keep on going. i am no longer running behind the wagon as you are rolling away. you have reached out and pulled me in. let's see where it will take 2 cool , crazy, sexy women. i love you. hang in there; i have my arms around you. it may be a bumpy ride. love twigs.

i am here

Hi dear mops.
I just left a nap after a soggy hike with hozzy in which we both got quite wet. we came home and took a 2 hour nap, only to awaken to more soggy. i was going to blow off coming out to watch ellen, but i want to touch base here with you. It was so nice to talk with you for a short while. i understand sometimes the thought of good indian, or in my case possibly italian ( i had for lunch). --is either really good and worth eating, or mediocre, and worth remembering for next time i am hungry for 6inch lasagna. is funny to me how i can perseverate on food. i like flavor. hold on. this computer is bugging out

good to see your voice

hey twigs, it is such a nice way to start my work morn to read your words...and it is up and down but we keep going...i have been back at the gym slowly...only 2-3 times per week and only light workouts; mostly stretching back and working on core...the slowness of it is not my preference but i am grateful to not be in pain. i made the mistake of hopping on the gym scale this morn and am trying to not let it derail me...it was over 200 again and it made me so sad. while i am so happy about the 100's, I often feel frightened as to if i can keep it off or no.... so many times we have worked so hard only to slide back down the shitty hill of fat...anyway, this time i am placing little anchors all along the hill and dammit, i may slip but i will cling onto the little rung as hard and as fast as i can till i am strong enough to begin climbing and losing again. it is good to see your face along side me on the hill as sometimes it is a scary and lonely place. i love you and i believe in your ability to find the little rungs too. hold on baby
luvmops

lovely talking with you

Hi honey. it was so nice visiting today and i hope the hangover is leaving your body. i have been thinking of us supporting each other through our health journey. i am with you on this. i do need a little help on significantly decreasing alcohol as i think it depresses my spirit and desires. i keep saying a couple a day is ok. i ordered a book cheap online called drinking ; a love story. by an author i just read on pack of 2--about life alone with her dog. i found out that the author died of lung cancer at only 42 back in 2002 after writing her final book on eating and anorexia. is sad that she overcame so many vices and wrote about her journey; then died of the one vice she never gave up. nicotine. anyway, i am rambling. have a good healthy eating day back at work and i will as well. i love you and we are in this together. yours truly.... twiggy. sometimes biggy.

i am thinking of you tonight

Hi dear mops.
i am thinking about you tonight as tomorrow is weigh in for you. i really want you to see 190's because you are so worth it. and have worked hard. i will be jumping up and down for you in my slumber in the morning. it is so cool you are learning and living a healthy life of food now. how is working out going with your back??? i hope it is feeling ok .. did you get your dvd?
I wish i were doing well as you. last night i ate all the dried out cookies and muffins. mostly from boredom and feeling a bit inadequate with the bright rn that floated here. anyway, today i am trying to behave . to get to the point of managing work is my goal.... well, i must check on my pt with an updraft treatment going. good luck tomorrow and i love you. call and let me know how the meeting was. love twiggy.

hi my dear

Hi lovely lady. i did like your hairy apple story. and now you are back to your home. yippee. and how is your zen garden??? now listen, you will get into the 100's by this weekend. and if not, it is on the horizon. now that is exciting news. will you go to a meeting on saturday??
sorry so dull but i am focused on work tonight. i will try write more later.

i love you. twiggy.

another day...keeping on kepping on

hey lady, hope your time off is going well, halfta admit i am a bit jealous...i would love to be home for several days in a row hanging out, organizing and nesting. work is really hectic, but i am hanging in there, thanks for the walk and talk yesterday, it helped. today i went to my gym for the 1st time on over a month - since i hurt my back...but i figured if it went ok on NY i have no excuses now to start going here again. i looked wistfully at my old class and thought, not yet, gotta build up slow this time b4 i jump into classes again...i am not good at slow when it comes to the gym. Really want to hit the 100's this week, but only doing ok so far, kinda scared about it for some silly reason. how is all going with you? did you like my hairy apple analogy? any more thoughts on shifting your work to the 'baby' area? miss u
luvmops

dumb thing cut me off

any way , i did lose 1 pound. all the othere things i wrote escape me and hozzy is waiting all day in the car. love twiggy.

the early worm always gets the bird.

Hi lovely sis. so you made it to dos caminos. i am happy to hear that because life has much to enjoy even for bright less than little women as ourselves. and you are soon on your way home . so pack your pride with you as well as your successes and wave goodbye until next time. a 40 min gym session after margueritas hah? did it help. i try do yoga after wine and my bird pose tips over a bit.
I made it to my meeting and

greetings from the hairy apple

hey lovely twigs the night nurse, greetings from the half rotten, anything but organic, hairy apple...OK, well i am still doing better than other trips, but i always feel a bit out of place here, kinda like the last 14 yr old picked in gym class for a team...and not really sure why. I am definitely eating better than other trips, but did make it to Dos Caminos and ate way out of control...but guess what? went to THE new york sports club (wasn't definitely the least coolest person there) after pigging out and drinking 2 margaritas! i cannot say it was terribly comfortable and i was still fat full after 40 mins of light cardio, but i did try...which is something...so today i had many near tear moments in the office and at our work dinner...i am just often left out or shunned or just not treated like part of the 'pack' and although i am proud to not be a pack groupie, it sometimes gets me down...so i am here, in the hotel computer room, trying to be a little worm in the big apple and getting treated like one...but i will survive and see my gorgeous home soon. You had best let me know how your mtg goes tmro morn as i am counting on you to do this w/me...cannot go it alone
i love you
mops in the apple

i shall carry on

Hi pretty lady. try call me today if you have the time. i decided i shall not give in to the fat monster. i will weigh in tomorrow at 0930 and pray for a decent number. how are you in new york city?? the big or little apple??? if you see my dear kell and sassan give them a hug from me. i love you. and keep the faith. we have much to do in this life. let's not cut it short for a donut. love twiggy

weight watcher meeting

Hi beautiful.
i am not trying to blow the meeting off, but there isn't one on wednesday am; only in the evening and i prefer now to go in ams. i am going friday at 930 am my time. you do well today and enjoy thai. ok ...... i am here for you.
love you my dear. your ww sis. twiggy.

hi miss meow.

H Hi cutie pie. how is the kitty pooo?? it is fun to come to work and see a message from my dear sister. 16 pounds is a great amount to lose. and you are on a new level . so new york will be a nicer place. oh, and can your big red apple shrink?
Happy to report i am eating protein tonight instead of LIC or ISH. clever. i can't eat it because we finished it last night. now what did we talk about again by the marina?? just kidding. i am doing better tonight. i f'd up last night as i stepped on the evil scale here. can't drop anymore. so i jumped off screaming , flalling my arms. but tonight when i got hungry i was prepared. and had 2 eggs with buffalo. my favorite. honestly, mops, protein seems to decrease my hunger for sugar.
AND LICORICE IS A RED LIGHT FOOD FOR ME..
i LOVE YOU. TWIGGY THE NIGHT NURSE.....

hey sista,
so it has been a challenge to be in the city near all these great restaurants...this cat sitting needs to go...hehehe...i am trying to be sensible at breakfast and lunch and just eat a bit less at dinner, but still enjoy the outings. I am getting a little nervous about NY next week, but at least I am a bit smaller now than when I was there last. I am down 16 lbs since I was there 12 weeks ago and am hoping that will give me a little more confidence. Keep talking to me on this the nights you work instead of eating the black lick or ish you can do it! Give handsome stinky dog a hug from me.
luvmops

hi lady

Hi cutie.
i am back at work and feeling good about it. sounds like you are doing well. i know you can get to the 100's ; you have worked very hard and deserve it. just a matter of a short time. i am eating too much black licorice tonight but i guess that happens.
my red light food. oops. now i know.

I LOVE YOU. TWIGGY.

a new page

Hey lady,
I am so glad you came to visit me and attended my meeting. I am very proud of us changing our ways when getting together for THE 1st TIME! It was so wonderful to enjoy your company w/out running all over or trying to eat our way through CA. I really enjoyed our talks and hope we take a lot of wisdom with us as we face new challenges going forward. Enjoy your new music and have a great week! My goal is to hit the 1's by my mtg on 5/3, which is challenging cuz I am in NY next week (remember my big apple outfit)! I may need some words of encouragemnet next week, but will look for a mtg in NY. Love you, keep it going sweet twigs.
Luvmops

hi beautiful friend

Hi pretty lady. i am hanging out in your sanctuary listening to india arie; i am used to a little boombox. i thought i would say hello and have a good day until i see you. i am soon to head to the bay. such a pretty place here. thanks for the nice conversation last night. you are amazing to me.
love miss twiggy. i did not say miss piggy.

try this

Hi cutey. i just had a pretty good luna bar--peanut butter bar; also peppermint is not bad. i hope you are doing well and we can celebrate 25 pounds off your body on saturday. i will see you in less than 24 hours. i love you. twiggy

waiting for my sister

My dear sis, I am so glad you will be here with me in my home soon. I am counting down the days. My back is still hurting, but better, I am gingerly trying some stretching and slow walks. It stinks to feel so helpless and I miss the gym so much. I am trying to eat better though as I am hoping to get my 25 lb award at the meeting in Sat. while you are here! I am having a hard time keeping a good attitude b/c my back hurts and work sucks at the moment. Hope all is going well with you and can't wait to c u!
luvmops

picture

oh, dear mops. i love the picture of me on the beach. i would like a copy. i look reflective. thank you for sending it. twiggy.

pretty sister with the love of life

Hi dear mops.
i read your message and could see you there. i can feel your pain; know that only you can love what you hold in your soul. i know sharing it brings you great pleasure; it is a beautiful thing about you. when heather does not see it, it reflects her more than you. despite how at the moment you feel. and at times alcohol and good cheese is just what feels right. though it can deepen the momentary pain.
What i see in you is inner and outer beauty. and, honestly, shell; i think this weight watchers and improving our physical health is one huge thing (ignore the pun) we can do. i ?? whether that in and of itself will not bring us to a place of greater peace and thought. and currently i am focusing on mostly that. you were able to feel the ocean air, the oxygen in your body as you pumped the peddles of the bike. heather was a fool to waste it... all you can do is offer the amazing opportunity for serenity. that you are finding .
I have rededicated to 3 things: breathing deeply, moving my body, and eating with points. i can only seem to stay commited for a couple months. but i figure if on the third mo i fuck up a bit, i may need it to refocus again. must be my rebellious nature. i have found doing turbo jam 45 min every day; and yoga most days, i eat much better. it works for me now. but who knows in a couple mos. oh, and i love a few things. medjool dates, organic caramel corn rice cakes, big ass bagels with honey walnut cream cheese every am --but only 1/2. so, with my favorites i guess i am on for awhile.
I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE YOU. I AM COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS UNTIL THURSDAY.... I WILL GO LISTEN TO THE SONG ASAP. ONLY 2 NURSES HERE AND ONE IS A FUCKING LITTLE ANNOYING WOMAN WHO WILL NOT SHUT UP. MY COWORKER ON DAYS DOES A NICE LITTLE DANCE AND VOICE OF HER.
TAKE CARE. I LOVE YOU. TWIGGY

too funny

hi my dear twigs...funny the last thing you said is that i inspire you with my lack of insanity...but i read it lack of sanity...actually, how do i describe where my head is at right now? i spent the last few days feeling lonely, quiet, and angry...watching my 'friend' sit on her computer, instead of looking out her window at the beach house with the sun rising over the ocean, sending text messages instead if just being there in the moment with her friend, and talking on the phone competing with the cries of the gulls while riding bike along the ocean...all the while feeling a distance larger than the grand canyon spanning us...so i can't wait to get home to my handsome guy and manage to send the cell phone into the city for a date on her last night here with her 'friend' shelly, whatever...so i try to scrap up a smile and go and put on a pretty shirt, some make up, even curl my hair and sit on the front step waiting for my man, who just decided he needs to be at work longer than the cell phone will be gone...so i am breaking my rule about drink and sadness and finding solace in a glass of wine with my curly hair and sparkly lips and shiny wet eyes...why do i so often feel misunderstood and alone? why do i sit here alone trying to convince myself that i am cute and funny and more importantly enjoyable company? why do my tears run my mascara and my little demon tell me i am ugly and fat at the same time that i fight for sanity and a very tenuous hold on the progress i have made? did you ever listen to the song i put on the blog for you? it was a you tube link. i wish you would listen to it. did u like the pic of you by the ocean i put in? here i am, can u hear me?????????????????? i sad

ready to throw in the towel

Hi dear mops.
ok . i will confess. i have been close to changing the plan again. i make it about 2 months on a "plan" and then rebel. oscillate, read more books, swear off rules, and come full circle. and so now i just ordered a new weight watcher cookbook that i wish i could take with to see you. speaking of seeing you, why is heather there having fun with my best friend, and i am here????

I am still working on coming to hang out with you and be our personal chef. i don't think i have lost more than 2 pounds this month. i keep going up and down like on the teeter totter. and then i run as fast as i can from the weight watcher leader and her scale. one would think with all this playing i would be skinnier. well, i found some good medjool dates, and organic rice cakes. now i must get over the child in me saying nah, nah na na nah. i don't have to count points.

hope to hear from you soon. you inspire me with your continued allegiance and lack of insanity. love twiggy.

quick note

HI dear. am so happy for your 10%; i think i have lost myself and found it again after all the ups and downs over the years. so am i at 100% and exist as someone else???? i read an amazing book in 2 days. and i am hooked. stop the insanity about eating, moving, breathing. and the diet industry. i have been working out pretty hard; only to my limit and not beyond. eating is going ok but took awhile after they left.
i must go as i am at the BIG HOUSE on medical/renal/oncology and it is constant busy. for real. so i must go but am back on rehab tom night ; will message then. love you. twiggy

I MADE MY 10% GOAL!!!!!!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Hey babe, i am SO HAPPY...i have been within 2lbs of my 10% goal for for 4 weeks, and i finally pushed over the slump, man this can be so hard sometimes, but the word is PERSEVERE, b/c pushing past a slump (no matter what brings it on) feels good when you finally reach the other side...even tho this weight loss road sometimes feels so hard i remind myself that sometimes it feels fun...so in that way it reflects life and in fact is my life now...no more diets, just good days and not so good days, and just as i don't walk out on work or out on T or family/friends and say 'i give up', i will not do this with my healthier eating efforts either...i may have a crap day or week or even month (month to date March I am only down 2.2) i am not giving up. i love you and can't wait to come and hang in your hammock sometime...

luvmops

this pic is to remind you to dream...dream 1st then persevere, WE CAN

how was the hike????

HI cutie pie.
how was the hike with my chef daughter?? i bet you lose alot after that. i am oscillating with weight watchers; did not eat well when mom and john were here and drank a little wine and beer. think the scale will be the same. if lucky. but will like to try be on track now that i am moved in. so far i like my little home. talked with my cool young neighbor today about gardening. i have great soil; lots of flowers coming; and a place to hang my hammock kell got me in brazil...... and ideas for planting and growing . ... now to eat better.
I started doing turbo jam again. but i will see... i weigh in monday; missed last monday as i had too many meals out, so i didn't go . plus i was moving that day. i still have tons to put away. oh, next week i am off sun--though i will sleep awhile; off mon, tue, wed. and float to the big house thursday on med, renal, oncology...hope i can handle it. it will be an orientation night to the BIG HOUSE. so, may the weight loss genie guide your days. i love you greatly.
twiggy...

hey sweet twigs

missing you, glad to hear Mom and John were a help. I just finished an impossibly crazy work week, but am on the home stretch now! Leaving at 2 today to meet up with Kell and go on a hike near the rocky cliffs by the golden gate bridge, can't wait! i have been trying to do better again this week...so far so good except one date with a bag of Cheetos and a superb meal at Sassan's made by Kell...i am going to my mtg tmro while T goes out racing a dangerous race on the ocean...when do you work this coming week...i had lost my phone charger and my phone was dead past couple of days, but found it now so will call soon. keep the faith
love mops

hi dear how are you doing?

Hi dear sis.
how is everything going with you? today is your friday; you are on the homestretch. hope you are ok.
I am settled into missoula and learning the area; i do like it so far. miss mom moreso than john. he gets too impatient with little things. but still was a great help to me.
i love you. twiggy.

hi beautiful

Hi dear mops
I am here on a sunny day at the stevi library for 5 minutes so john can book a standby for tomorrow already. they want to stay to thursday to help and see missoula a little. we have been working the entire time; taking breaks to inhale large quantities of good food. they are both a great help but get annoyed with each other. and me sometimes. just different working styles. but i am so happy to have them here to help physically and emotionally.
i will do better on ww beginning tom. i am not terribly well, but i want to. hope you are doing better. must run as he is ready. i love you. hope you haven't killed beth yet. didn't see it on the news. love twiggy.

i am glad you are going

Hi dear mops...... i am working again and helping others. so it is good. just had 1/4 of egg salad sandwich and about 8 chips. oh, and a very good fudge bar for 1 point . sometimes i like the program. i don't know what you think, but it is helping me to change things up. for awhile i am eating little snacks worth 5-6 points. when i tire of that, as i am sure i will, i will reconsider. besides i feel this way. nothing changes if nothing changes. i am fair with working out; hiked yesterday and turbo jammed the other day. hopefully, i won't overeat when mom and john are here. they are coming sunday. i will try sneak to my meeting and just weigh in. not sure if i will have time. oh, cool. i got this great font. i bumped a button

well, what are your plans for the weekend dearest of sisters??? will you be seeing kell again; i talked to sarah today. she calls very rarely. does not like to have long distance communication. well, i should work now. love twiggy.

i will try and write more

my dear twigs, it does seem to help a bit when I write, at least i look forward to this each morn and when i see your words it helps me to make the right decision about how to handle my day foodwise...i went to the gym one day this week only, i am really struggling with feelings of being huge again, funny how quickly a mindset can change with only 3-4 lbs more...it sets the stage for 20 more...in any case i will go to my mtg tmro and i will be up, but i will try and recommit and think of it as starting anew...i hope i choose to start again as i don't like how i am feeling right now...i try and just get through my days and go home for beer in chips in the eve till i am so sick i just crawl into bed, it really changes my entire view on life.

best of luck with the move, wish i was there to help. the job swap thing starts this week at work, so i can't really go anywhere now till May...i miss you cutes
luvmops

i wonder if writing may help

Hi dear mops.
it was so nice to hear from you. i wonder what you have been doing with eating and if all has gone poor; are you going to the gym??? it certainly is not easy. i would love to eat alot and lose. my problem is drinking and loneliness. and boredom at work. wondering why am i taking care of old people who have their basic needs met, when i would rather be in another country providing basic care of immunizations or nutrition needs for those who can't make it to be old. it is just a matter of what is my life worth here as a nurse.
My move is going fine; my finances suck. but i am working on it. my eating is hit and miss. somedays good; some not. i don't write anymore, but try eat 5-6 snacks of 5-6 points each. seems i needed a change from writing all down. i don't know if i will make it to mon. mtg as i move that day. steph is helping me.
well, i am hungry. time for an english muffin or hummus.....
my advice. pretend you are starting anew. when i had a couple wks bad, i said all the time i am recommited. now how is another ? to ponder. keep it simple. love twigs.

days go by and i am still lost in the fog

hey babe,
so the fact that no one has written in here for a week speaks volumes...when i am eating well i am excited to go look at it everyday and write my happy thoughts. when i am eating like shit, like now, i avoid it...so now what, HELP...how r u doing? I know you have a lot on your plate w/ the move etc...curious if u r still able to eat relatively well? hope so, as I know I will be up for the 2nd week in a row this Saturday and am not sure I am able to stop this backslide. Hope work is going well tonight and that I see something from u in the morn when I get to work...i love u.
not so swell shel

hey how is your day and out to eat

Hey woman. how are you today? back on or in between. we are always somewhere and that is where we are. i do find i prefer to find a few things i love and stay with them awhile then move on. lately mine is helen's eggs laid for vicki; pumpkin butter from your sonoma region and high fiber toast. doesn't take much to please me. and good wine is worth 4 points to me.
write soon and know i am here. love mops. must go to work.
I am listening to brown skin by sexy india arie from another sexy woman; my sister who put it on my ipod in my ear as i sit in this dark room before another 13 hours of night care.

hi dear mops and welcome back to better times

hi dear sis.
i am happy you are in a better place now. and you will get back on track. i am thinking of how i ate when i got back on track. it was more better things happening for me when i found a new place. and i wrote everything down. i did eat pizza 2 slices with 1 beer; and steak many days. i ate more protein i guess as i was hungry for it. with small snacks i eat high fiber rudy organic bread and pumpkin butter. i buy the seven grain with flax. oh, and i drank less. for meals, i kind of eat the same things. had taco salad every night at work plus work was crazy so i was quite active.
YOU CAN GET BACK TO GOOD. IF I CAN YOU CAN. LET ME KNOW IF I CAN HELP WITH ANYTHING ELSE.
oh, i also ate all my extra 35 points too. love twiggy.

where's my horse?

dear twigs,

trying to get back in the saddle again after being drug through the MN mud...wow does that place mess with my head. As you know ate my way through Mpls, now trying to get back to good. Attempted to do so yesterday as it was my 1st day back and did well in am and lunch, but met Diane out for food and drinks last night...not so good. Went to the gym this am which felt really good but made the mistake of getting on the scale which was up 2.5 lbs, no surprise, just disappointed. I have plans to go out tonight and tmro night, which is concerning as right now it would be easier to get back on track if i just ate at home every night. I am trying to hang on/focus on the progress I have already made as I do not want to lose sight of that or further slide....so happy to hear about you recommitting...can you tell me more about it? Any new low point meal/snack ideas for me? Were you hungry at 1st when you got back on your horse? Miss you cutes, good luck with the packing.

Luvmops

how are you doing?

Hey sis,
how are you doing back in the bay. you know that the weekend is over now so i hope you are feeling better. i won't be able to check again today, and worked terrible short staffed all weekend so could not get on. I am home today packing, so call later. love twiggy.

write before you bite

Sorry; i have been in a funk lately; maybe just confused and scared to move again. kindof dosing through my days. and spending too much time with katie. but i did have a nice pizza party with steph yesterday. and i write b4 i bite. so i knew 2 pieces and 1 beer was it. it worked well.
I am sure you will do well in MN and your plan is good. eat 1/2 of what you love.

my goal is to write all down and eat only things i really like. i will write more but i have only 10 minutes until the bells ring and wind blows me off my 30 minute seat. have a safe trip. call me. i am with you in MN. i wish. love twiggy.

where r u?

happy Monday...I did ok over the weekend. Well actually I did awful on Sat. and ok on Sun. I wanted to go to the gym this morn, but my back was sort or sore last night, so I am concerned about that...but don't want to schwew off track with MN coming up. I must be feeling some stress about going back as that is usually when my back acts up...I am also really worried about T, he finally went to the doc, but his uric acid levels were not that high so they took xrays and ran other blood tests etc...will let you know what we find out.

Hope all is well with you! We signed up for a new 17 week session at work today and I got free etools with it...so I can look up lots of great recipe's and point values! Hope you are doing great and had a good meeting today! Let me know how things are going? What is your goal for the coming week? Mine is to eat only 1/2 portions of all my fave dishes/places in MN and to find a mtg to go to in MN.
luvmops

not happy with myself

Surprise, me again...thanks for your words of encouragement. Even though I had no excuse yesterday and was feeling ok I still overate. I brought a bag of BAKED crisps to work with me that only have 3 pts per serving and I thought I will leave them at work to have one serving per lunch with my spinach bread sandwich...then I was here all alone yesterday and sort of bored, trying to keep busy and pass the day and the next thing I knew I had ate the entire bag of chips - 12 pts worth. So I say, mops, you only have 8 points now for your eve so you have to plan for when you get home tonight. So what do I do, I go home and dish up a big serving of more cheese, crackers and hummus...followed by a large dinner and a bit of chocolate. To make matters worse I get on the scale at the gym this morn to try and get a preview of tmro's meeting(I know I shouldn't have), and see that I am up slightly to last Sat. Stupid stupid stupid...ok, time to buck up. One thing that has worked in the past is to write the points down just before I eat it...so this next week I am going to write it down before I open my mouth and maybe it will give me pause long enough to rethink my chioces. Man, this is hard...I watch the bid emotions and then the little ones liek boredom sneak up and bite me in the ass. Well I am just going to shrink that ass so they have less of me to find to bite! Good luck this weekend, may the force be with you too twig jedi...wish me luck at my meeting tmro morn.
luvmops

how intriguing

Hi lovely sister of thought and wisdom; i enjoyed so reading your comments as well as understanding. your emotions i think were like overstimulated nerves during the days larger than life. now as you are becoming smaller new opportunities to feel, to redefine yourself, your reactions are enriching your life. i like that you are noticing this. food, whether cheese and crackers or huge amounts of anything in my way affects who we are. i think it is scary but also interesting to see who we become. it certainly is more than losing #'s on a mechanical machine.
it really helps me to read and discuss how you are feeling so that i can also look at how i am in regards to this long journey. in some strange way maybe we needed to become big to find ourselves. i do feel more aware of my moods . i do know wine does not mix well with increased emotional times. i always think it calms me but it moreso fucks with my choices. i couldn't think of any better description as i know i ought be charting. anyway, you made great choices. and with all the choices you continue to make, a new picture emerges. the gym will be there tomorrow and tim is lovely. we all can tweek ourselves a bit and maintain our integrity. so have a nice day and may the weight watcher force be with you mops skywalker. love twiggy.

waiting on the 100's

Hey sweets,

It is a new day. T and I talked last night and he said: "I love you… A whole bunch…remember my proposal-- beyond the stars to infinity. And don’t ask me to apologize for being me. " I guess we are all so different, it is sometimes so difficult to relate or understand...this may sound crazy, but maybe the emotion/eating/mind connection encompasses more than I ever thought...b/c I feel my mind open more as my body shrinks....it is like I am taking off the food covered lenses...ok, that proabbly sounds so weird, but when I have been in the really major over eating stages of my life I tend to react a certain way to things that happen to me, and eveything "happens to me" when I am in that frame of mind...when I am eating better and taking care of myself the thoughts shift toward, ok, here is a new situation...what are my options to navaigate it? Anyway, missed the gym this morn as we had a teary talk last night, but I am feeling better emotionally....I did have some cheese and crackers last night but skipped the wine as I knew I was in a bad state and wine and nerves don't mix...so overall I didn't do too bad...only a couple more days till my meeting and I am going to try and do the best I can.
luv you
mops

notice your emotions.

IF YOU EAT YOUR EMOTIONS THEY WILL BE GONE; BUT IF YOU FEEL THEM, EXPRESS THEM THEN THEY WON'T BE EATEN. EMOTIONS AND ALL THEIR COLORS ARE WHY WE ARE DOING THIS. IF I CAN HELP LET ME KNOW. OF COURSE WE ALWAYS HAVE FEELINGS SO MAYBE EAT CERTAIN FOODS ONLY THAT RELATE TO EACH FEELING. NO, THAT IS STUPID. OH WELL, I NEVER SAID I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. WRITE LATER IF YOU HAVE TIME. I LOVE YOU.

how is it going???

Hi lovely sis; i laugh to here you i squeeze you up..... you are so cool. do you know that?? and i hope you can express to tim how much you love him and want to feel loved as well. i think you need to be held , cuddled, even if he is stoic. i believe it is so important to be given positive encouragement. how important is it to you to be cherished in the way you cherish tim. i guess i hate to say this but pete at times doted on me but i really don't think he knew how to love me. so, try hard to be aware of the ways you feel loved and accepted.

i don't think you are a smurf , but they are cute .

Now, don't eat crap food. and if you do, not too much. because then you will need to eat less crap food again . if that makes sense. i will give up wine; and you wait to after weighing in saturday to eat . or just work out like crazy first.

that is all i have for now. i love you.... throw wubbie in the air for me. and i will squeeze hozzy for you. after he has a coconut bath. love twiggy. (i wish)

my turn to deal with the waves

Hey babe,

First let me say how excited and happy I am for you regarding the house!!! CONGRATS!! I am sitting on the couch and a little anxious to see T tonight, and wanting to eat more even though I am not hungry. I am over in points for the day slightly and have used all my weekly flex points already and the extra ones earned from working out...more than ever I am seeing this weight issue as an emotional one...your help and kind words have meant a great deal to me and have helped me through some waves...I want to be ok with my feelings: good, bad, anxious or otherwise and deal with them without food. I am a little stronger today than yesterday and I know later my dear sis will be reading this and cheering me on. I love you...I squeeze you up!
luvmops

Swimming through the waves

my dear sis, you have always been such a good swimmer...and now I watch you cut through the waves and I am so proud of you. I was bobbing in the waves the last few days flaying my arms and yelling 'the waves are too big'! but then i saw you swimming through them and you called to me to stop wasting my energy flaying and to start moving through the waves...today my sea is calmer thanks to you on the phone last night...oh, and I did need to go into the kithchen to get my phone charger but I stomped the whole time, you were right, T came in to see what was up...too funny...i love you! Can't wait to see your little greenhouse.

luv mops

i am still around

Hi. i am still around. mostly trying to keep from crying and focus on work this weekend. looking at places to live without great success. and crying. did i say that already. kell offered me her place too and there is a night position at a hospital by her place. maybe montana must say goodbye to me; i to it. then mountains and big sky. i don't know that i want to. i shall keep trying . love mops.

I know you are sad

Dear sis,

First, I wanted you to know that I typed in my 2 messages yesterday right after we talked on the phone over lunch and before I spoke to you last night. In the afternoon you weren't so sad as you didn't know yet...so if my messages sounded too upbeat they were based on that time frame. Same with the song, did you check it out? You may want to do so when you have a moment where you are feeling some hope, as if you are too sad, you might think it's stupid and inappropriate...in any case, I love you and believe you will be ok and that you will find a decent place in MT. In regards to WW not being on the front burner...that goes against everything we are trying to do here...reprogram our responses to food whether there are good times or bad times in our life. I am trying really hard to not look as it as a diet and hope you are doing the same...so there is no front or back buner...there is just us going through life's ups and downs and trying to be ok.

I love you. Call whenever you need to talk...please let me know if you just need to vent or if you want advice - as sometimes I am not sure what to say when you are hurting or troubled and I want to be a help when you call.

Love mops

i am sad

Hi dear sister.
i am finding myself more sad as the night progresses; i have been online alot and just more confused than when i started. so tomorrow is a new day and i will begin my search. i love montana at this time, hope to find something nice enough in missoula now. thank you for loving me and being there.

i guess i must finish my shift.

weight watchers is not really at the forefront now. i love you. twiggy.

Happy Valentine's Day Twigs! Check out "New Soul"

Hey cutes, I found a song you need to go and buy yourself during this transition...love you!
click on below to watch, or cut and paste it to the browser!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YUxbDEPFiM

Hey Twiggy Babe, you will get through this!

Hey lady,

Been thinking about you all day. I read what you said about the river and maybe you will find some hope in looking at that again...perhaps your current place/house was meant to be something so great that it got you to move out of an unhealthy place and now somethign else is prompting another phase of your life...and although the river may be flowing swiftly right now and a little bit scary, maybe the next place you step in the river will be warmer, friendlier or even more serene and right for you...I know right now it just sucks...but the only way to get through the shit times is to look forward...and i love you very much. Let me know if there is anything I can do - and trust yourself...as you have proven many times in the past that you are very capable and good at taking care of yourself...just as you are with the food now and not over indulging on drink...keep your eyes clear and your heart warm, the rest will fall into place.
luv mops

work is good. how is tahoe?

Hi dear sis.
i am working not terribly hard this weekend. i hope you are happy and enjoying your long weekend in tahoe. and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. tell tim too.
i am off from sun-thur. and go to weight watchers on mon. i hope it is not too bad. i do want to continue. no new exciting recipes. but i may look on their site. i have a recipe book loaned to me from one of the nurses. maybe i will try something.

take care; happy eating. and i love you. twiggy

just a thought.

I like this:
Nothing endures but change; you could not step twice into the same river.....

sometimes it seems we look so to the end when things , thoughts are better. where it is not such an effort. but life keeps changing. new ripples in the current to provide a different appearance to what we thought we knew. and then we jump into the river again feeling the comfort of the water. so let's carry on and notice the changes in our bodies, our moods, and our engagement with this change we are making.

Have a lovely time in the snow. i will try eat within normal limits. a nursing term. i love you and love you for helping me on this path. miss twiggy. no, not miss piggy. miss twiggy.

hey twigs

Hope work is going well for you tonight. I go to my meeting tmro morn. The last week or two I have felt so good about the changes we're making, kind of the way you do when you buy a new shirt or pair of jeans and you're still excited to wear them...but now some of the luster is wearing off for me, which is dangerous ground. I am realizing how far I have to go and how long it will take to get to a place where I don't feel so big, so I am feeling discouarged on one hand...on the other I am trying to remind myself that this is a lifestyle change, not meant as a means to an end...but that even is too much to handle right now...which brings me back to trying to focus on one day at a time. I guess it took weeks and months and years to get here so the solution will not come overnight, nor will the journey back to full-on living be short...just glad you are on the road with me and that I am not alone. Love you, try and do well this weekend and I will try and do the same.

luv mops.

spinach salad

Hi ... it is midnight and i am having a spinach salad with tomato for my snack. does that just not sound like a weight watcher girl. for a moment anyway.

I am unsure as robyn needs to get back to me; but, it is not looking very good for the change of weekends. she will have to change completely 2 weeks on her schedule. and she is a single mom. i am still working on it . it is so hard on a tiny unit like this. but she will let me know soon i hope.

love you. twiggy.

a b, a b....yeah go.

Hi and congratulations..... a b is best. and well deserved. school can be such a challenge at times; but so rewarding too. what are you studying this semester???

OH DEAR FOOD. WHY DO WE LOVE YOU SO? YOU ARE SO ALLURING. DESIROUS. AND OH, SO GOOD. MEXICAN BURRITOS; SPANISH RICE; SALAD; APPLES; CELERY; SPINACH. oh, right. like i eat the latter. ok. so let's just be content with the small step we make up the mountain this week. and don't go up the mountain faster than i and leave me behind.

How beautiful are you now? did you cut 2 pounds of hair off??? i am going to have mine shaved before weigh in. and strip into my bra and panties. good luck; and good eating. love the twig.

I GOT THE GRADE!!!!

i AM SO EXCITED....remember the little ABC I told you about the other day at school and I was worried about getting a C, well I got the B I wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so back to food...I am hungry a lot...what's with that? I am eating 30-35 pts a day and still hungry. I was suppose to take a class this morn at the gym, but felt too tired and didn't go. I am already fretting about the scale this week as I figure there is no way I can be down since I was down 4.4 last week...funny how u can't seem to win w/ the scale...too dumb, eh?

Yes, pls come to our luxury FREE beach house in March, would love it! Let me know what you find out.

Inspiring quotes:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time."
- John Wanamaker

YOU ARE CLOSE

MOPS:
YOU ARE ALMOST TO THE 100'S ......YEAH. YOU CAN DO IT... LOVE TWIGGY

EAT THIS

NEW IDEA FOR YOUR ENGLISH MUFFIN:

SPREAD NUMMY PEANUT BUTTER; ADD GOOD RAW HONEY; THEN SPRINKLE WITH SUNFLOWER SEEDS. MMMMM. LOVE TWIGGY

UP AND RUNNING

Hi beautiful.
I am back and feeling strong. oh, and you are right. the hunger monster is at my heels now that i am feeling better. so, we shall see what the days bring. lets me see. i want us to get together as i think it is time to cement this bond. i will try hard for end march. and let you know what i find out with robyn. and me goal for this week is fruits and veggies; oh, and recording.
GOAL FOR FEBRUARY: WEAR MY CUTE OLD NAVY JEANS IN PUBLIC.
they are a little tight right now. but if i can't i cant. ok. i hope your day is good at work and eating. have you worked out today miss athlete??? tell me every move you made and every morsel you ate. leave out no details. hee. hee.

yeah, Sat. mtg went really well

Hey twigs,

Hope you are feelign better. I am so excited about my meeting on Sat. , for the 1st time in a long time I feel like it is possible to get to the 100's! It is still a ways off, but I am starting to get a touch of hope. We had a superbowl party yesterday and I splurged a bit on various chips, dips etc...but went to the gym in the morn before it started and did not stuff myself to the gills like in previous years. My goal fo rthis week is to make it to the gym 4x, increase my veggie consumption; and lose 1.5. I want to plan a get together soon, I think re-enforcing our new behaviors in person woudl be a really positive thing...I know funding is tough, but maybe we can work something out. Are you going to your meeting today? What is your goal for the week?

Also, since it is the start of a new month, what do we want to accomplish by the end of the month?

Luv mops,
hope you are feeling better soon!