What have I done?

OH my dear sis, I am so miserable...I hate it here so much. I do not want why I deluded myself into thinking I could handle this for 18 months. It does not look like T is going to find anything here...it is like the joke is on me...you crawl out of a hole of debt and then make a massive mistake that either keeps you utterly depressed or sets you back severely financially...I am officially hating myself every day by eating till it hurts, or the hurt ends, or the hurt begins, I don't know anymore...i only know a small part of me dies each day that I stay in this ivory tower.